July 8,2012

I started strong today.

I really wanted a big ham sandwich and chips for breakfast, so I went out and walked – it was hot and my toe really hurts so I took it a little slower than I would normally like, I was out for 30 minutes and was soaked when I got home.

I got on the scale the last time I will until next Sunday morning – 225.8

I am trying not to feel guilty, embarrassed,  ashamed of that number – I am reminding myself that I was 240 when I started WW in 2003 and I was able to face that and beat it then. That the weight I am carrying now is partially due to the fertility treatments and two babies in two years, my lack of discipline while I was pregnant and a lot of emotional struggle I know I am the one accountable for the weight – so I must also be the one accountable for the loss.

I did go to the dollar store to get some diet soda, the only “food” vice I don’t want to let go of just yet and I did not buy M&M’s or any other treat I have been very guilty of getting over the last 6 months almost daily. I only got the soda and some learning books for the girls, so I didn’t spend like I normally would have there either – so I will consider that trip a step in the right direction.

I have spent the morning preparing fruits for snacking, I need to remember to get some veggies to snack on next time I make a grocery list.

Lunch will be another shake and a half a ham sandwich with mustard and lettuce and a banana. Dinner is going to be grilled thin cut pork chops, grilled peppers, onions and corn we have left over from Wednesday and a tossed salad.

I am going to try to avoid the late night snack I am so used to but I have popcorn if I feel I am hungry.

I also plan on taking the ladies out this afternoon to play when the heat of the day has passed.

Emotionally it’s a sad day, it’s been 3 years since JM took her life – and though I was not very close to her, her struggle and mine were closely linked. Many days my thoughts drift to her and I hope that she has found her peace and those left behind have as well…

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