I’m A Dropout…Again

I made the difficult decision this past weekend to discontinue my membership at Weight Watchers. I have been so very blessed to have been gifted this for the past year, I appreciative for the love and support my sister was generous enough to give, but I have just been wasting the gift. The last few months I had been maintaining and then I have had a slight gain.

Why in this moment give up again? I started looking at how I used the program, how I manipulated the points, it really didn’t make me any more accountable than being at home, and once I gave up the meetings, lost the love I felt there, it just doesn’t make sense to continue on.

Does that mean I am giving up? Hell no! I had an ah-ha moment yesterday when I went to yoga sitting on my mat in front of the full length mirror, I cried.

Who is this person I am looking at? Where is my self love? Why did I let myself slide again?

I can make excuses all over the place, I dislike my job, trying to sell the house, endless worries about paying bills, just me as a person; the reality is, it’s all me. I choose to eat when I can’t control my life…two cheeseburgers, ice cream, beer, way too much diet soda, candy, candy, candy….no one forces me to eat this, I open my mouth and stuff myself until I “feel better” and then I feel guilty.

I can’t say that I will ever win this battle, but maybe I can teach myself to cope with it. I have decided to challenge myself to 21 days of clean eating, food is my issue, not exercise my foot (knock on wood) I believe is healed, I ran 6 miles this weekend, and 4 days last week with very minimal discomfort; this is a test of my accountability to me, no excuses. Coincidentally it takes 21-28 days to form a new and lasting habit.

My time is now.

I must love myself enough

I must believe in myself enough




6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. weight2lose2013
    Apr 28, 2014 @ 14:39:47

    Hell no is the operative phrase. I was worried until I read that. It’s maddening trying to steady the course with all of the pressures that we face in life. THAT is really the challenge. We’re here with you, so keep it moving forward.


    • aubreyfeldhaus
      Apr 28, 2014 @ 14:45:55

      Thanks Rob! I have to believe at some point this is all going to work, that I will find some balance. It’s wonderful to have a community to gain support and feedback from!


      • weight2lose2013
        Apr 28, 2014 @ 14:47:22

        You’re welcome, Aubrey! Having a support system is integral to success. Every time I’ve gone it alone, I’ve failed.

  2. Ms. Moran
    May 01, 2014 @ 02:22:29

    Gosh, I have been where you are so many times. The part about “manipulating the points” is sooo true. That’s why I have given up on all diets for good. They don’t work long term. All they do is lead to temporary ups and downs that wreak havoc on your body. And make you feel like a failure. And make you crave whatever foods you can’t have anymore.

    Personally I have gone minimalist in the food department and have never felt better. Simple, whole foods, that nourish and I don’t even have the food cravings anymore. But it had to start from a place of self-love and self-acceptance. Until I could learn to look at myself and like what I saw, I couldn’t even begin to care for myself properly.

    Anyway, hold up and hold on.


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