Mental Health

Mental health is a touchy subject. No one likes to admit they need help. So why on Earth would anyone write about it? Simple for me: I eat. I shop. I run. I write, perhaps it belongs in my other blog ; I chose this one because this relates to my health and wellness and that is the focus of this blog. I have written this post actually 3 or 4 times, debating if I really wanted to put it here or not. Should I make it private or share it…I stepped away from it for a few days and have come back to it. This last weekend was a really rough one. It started with payday. I really dread Friday’s anymore. We are lucky that I am paid weekly and Scott bi-weekly so we always have money coming in, but now it just isn’t enough, the set back we have encountered has been very difficult, how do you decide to either pay bills or feed kids; feed kids wins. We had made so much progress in the last year overcoming my job change, my loss of income, to finally being able to have a treat now and then, to work on the house to sell. Now I am up at night sick with worry about it. People ask me, “Have you looked for a second job?” Of course I have, I think I have applied for over 50 to get the following replies: Dollar General  – cashier you aren’t a qualified candidate – hummmm college educated makes me unqualified? Ebay – pick n pack – weekends include Monday? Huh? Really my full-time job seems to think that’s a week day Amazon – pick n pack – we only interview M-F 8-5, you can’t come in then? and have 4 people in 1 day call me about it Huntington Learning – after school tutor – the position is from 3-8, I can be there at 5:30, no you have to work 3-8, thanks, this is actually something I have the qualifications to do, and do well UPS & FedEx – package handler – you have to tour the building, those tours are at 6 am and 4:30 pm lasting 90 mins… ok I can’t make that because of my full-time job And please don’t ask about being a server, the “fat girl” won’t work in the food industry, the temptation would be to great for me. I just don’t see how all these places have jobs available and expect me to be flexible with my schedule but offer zero flexibility to theirs? We are certainly not looking for pity, a hand out, a hand up, but at least an opportunity to help ourselves with a situation that is going to ruin us. I am thankful that I have insurance that covers counseling,  for all the strength I feel I normally have I feel so weak right now. I can’t say that I have found any magic solution to the problem at hand, but it does help to talk to someone unbiased, and I run before I go so I have a physical drain right before I emotionally unload. I am battling constantly the urge to feed the sadness, the frustration of what to do and how to do it… I am so very thankful that I have shoes and a sidewalk, and time to run, and cry and let it out and know that this will not break us, define us, truly it won’t ruin us but it will make us stronger because when all is said and done much like the Phoenix we will rise from the ashes, it may not be pretty and the giant steps back will be more difficult. I keep telling myself there is some reason this is all happening, I just wish I understood why and when this rather rocky path was going to even out just a little bit, enough to move and start fresh. I suppose my purpose of this post is to keep in mind that while working toward my physical goals, there is more to life than a good diet, a good run and a good pair of shoes.  Angry All the Time Tim McGraw


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cori
    Jun 13, 2014 @ 04:01:09

    Hi Aubrey
    First off ,want to say, keep up the good work with your determination to get/maintain/stay healthy…i have been following your blog for a little while and enjoy reading what you post. I have considered replying several times but never felt the “urge” so to speak, until now, and I think what has drawn me in is your mention of mental health. I struggle with my boughts of depression (and have for many years) of course the 4 small children and 1 teenager along with only one income and so very little spare time is good reason for my depression…in all seriousness tho I think that your commitment to running is inspiring and you have taught me a few things about the sport. your excerpts you include at the end of your blog post are often eye opening too.
    I hope that your financial worries lessen for you and prayers are answered. And from one momma to another who is in a similar situation as yourself don’t feel ashamed to accept help from local community programs they are there for you and can sometimes open doors to opportunities that just might work for you. Anyways, I might should quit…keep up the good work in all that you do!!


  2. Lauren
    Jun 14, 2014 @ 01:11:17

    Just wanted to say that you are so strong! I hate you’re struggling, but you will overcome this. You have the right attitude, and with your persistence you will get a new job and things will get better. I know how it feels to be so low, you feel like things will never change or get better. Keep running and remember, you have a lot of people who care about you!


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