15k….With No Prep

     

Ok so I ventured out this chilly Sunday morning around 6am shaking my own head at myself, I really did want to go and at the same time I really wanted to go back to bed, but hey this new vibrant top and sparkly Sweaty Band (best hair holder backer ever) how could I not try. With my ever faithful supporter, mom, in the car I arrived promptly 10 minutes after the offical start, I hate being late to anything, except this. I know crossing the line alone is best for my head. That first mile taking it easy I thought, 12:09 which for this time of year is good for me, I glanced over the seemingly breathing Ohio river, the sun golden on the fridgid water, the music in my head and I knew this is exactly where I was supposed to be at this moment. I watched the course that spanned the length of Columbia Parkway and back seeing the steady rise and fall of hills knowing I had to listen to me or I would fade later. Mile two behind me I hit my stride, 11:49.  My playlist pushing me, the vibration of my phone in my pocket I knew were texts from home, my sisters, my friend Alyssa and more. One foot followed the other and before I knew it I hit the turn around. The first half running with the wind behind me I knew it would be at my left and front until I bent back into the heart of the city. Mile 4:69, the sun broke through clearly and Here Comes the Sun, people may think I make this up but every run when the sun finally hits me full force that song comes on within moments, unplanned, not searched for, I call it a little bit of fate. I spent the next 3 miles in a steady footfall and then I felt my left foot was off, note to self break in new shoes more prior to a long distance. Miles 8 through the finish were painful thanks to the blister on my little toe, but never has pain stopped me, maybe slowed me but never stopped. The last right turn I looked at my watch to see I was at 1:59 no way was I going to put up a 2+ hour time for less than 10 miles. The last little bit of the mile I pushed everything I had. I know I probably look stupid but to me it felt good, longer strides, and crossed at 1:59:37, on my watch a 12:45 pace – coincidentally the same pace I had for both halves last fall.

I was good with my finish.

On another note, ahead in my life are coming some big changes, I am not ready to share just yet (vague isnt nice I know) but I would sincerely appreciate any spare positive energy anyone has, as I am sending mine out as well. 

You have always had the power mt dear, you just had to learn it yourself.” ~ The Wizard of OZ


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March 11: Physical and Mental Health

PHYSCAL HEALTHlarge

Today is the first run in, dam I had to look since January 25. No wonder I have been so cranky! I have been getting my yoga in and my failed attempt at Body Beast (still hate it). I could list a bunch of excuses, and while we did have two snow falls of more than 5″ in those weeks the other weeks I was just flat-out lazy. My personal life has been full of turmoil and I am a this or that, meaning balls to the wall binge run or sloth. This time I opted for sloth.

This morning when I got up I packed my bag, be it all inspired for the 15K Heart-Mini I am participating in on Saturday, I packed it and at 11:30 I changed and out the door I went. It was a rather refreshing two miles (yeah only two, so how on Earth will I do 9+ in just 3 days?!), 45 degrees, sun shining, short sleeves, IT FELT LIKE HOME. I was reminded why I love it, because my body says no and stop but my head tells it to shut up and I go. Everything ached, my knees, hips, ankle, my chest burned and my head throbbed, but I did it. No less rewarding than 13 miles its all about accomplishment. It’s about putting one more foot forward and knowing I can do it, it’s knowing that in a few weeks 6 miles will feel good and then another week or two later 10 will be tolerable and by May I will take 13 in stride as I inch closer to the goal of the year – completing the Columbus Marathon.

My weight which is usually my focus, the number, I have been a lot better at looking at from a “How does it fit?” stance. I was able to buy pants for work a size smaller than I thought I was, and even they were wee bit big but I didn’t want to push it, next fall they will be too big. I was able to buy jeans a size smaller as well and if not for my damn calves (which I will openly admit here don’t look as bad as they used to) were also smaller, the waist is too big but they have to fit the whole leg. I have hope that I will be able to wear shorts this summer, something I have not done since 2008.

MENTAL HEALTHimages

I have spent most of 2015 so far in reflection.

How lucky I am to have a body that cooperates, to have a support system to back me when times are tough, to realize that counseling has led me to know what I need from life and which things I can release from. How blessed I am to have reunited a friendship that means the world to me, and though it is not the same, as things rarely stay the same, it is just as good and just as valued as it was before. I am thankful to have a job that I enjoy 99% of the time, children who are learning what a happy mother looks like and a spirit that is unstoppable.

I can’t say there haven’t been downer days, that I haven’t hurt, cried and been downright miserable but the silver lining is that all things are pointing in a positive direction. (I consulted a Magic 8 ball and it concurred). I have love and richness in my life that is only measured by the scale in my head, an outlook on myself that is renewed and positive, and lastly the knowledge that my future is really up to me.

“Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not – won’t. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.”

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