Setting Goals

2016 is more than half over. I haven’t achieved much in respect to physical improvements. I’ve run 58 miles this year and I’ve gained 20#. I have had little to no motivation. But that ends here today. Ok, I’ve made this claim repeatedly but I have set my sights on running Columbus again next fall, it will be our 10th anniversary weekend away, we are budgeting now so we don’t have to stress about it. 

The ultimate goal is to finish in 5:30 or less. I know if I put my mind to it, follow my plan, I know this is doable.

Nana also said, “Yard by yard life is hard, but inch by inch life is a sinch.”  So here goes:

Marathon planning Inch by Inch:

8/21/16: Today begings focus on water. I need to drink 110 oz of water a day. For the next seven days that is what I will concentrate on. Run 2 miles a day.

8/28/16: Menu planning and actually sticking to that menu planning. Clean healthy meals 6 days a week with one indulgence a week. Run 2 miles a day. Drink 110 oz water a day.  

September: running goal 50 miles for the month

9/4/16: Continue meal planning, 110 oz water daily, resume half training plan running a min of 2 miles a day 5-6 days a Eeek 

9/11/16: Meal planning, water consumption, running plan – reward self with a hot yoga class this week! 

I’m trying shorter goals. Saying I want to lose 50# is a great goal, but thats a huge goal, its an endurance goal and for now I need a sprint goal, something I can realistically do in a short amountn of time that is beneficial, can be added to, and isnt overwhelming. 

Weigh in days will be Mondays and I will try really hard to not be a daily scale fanatic. 

Fourth Of July 5K 2016

Do you ever wake up at 3:30 in the morning to your child who just had their tonsils and adenoids out standing beside your bed crying and think,”I’m gonna have a great run today!” Nope, me either; but, that was my reality today. After 90 minutes of convincing the child who loves medicine (let’s face it the kid has been on one antibiotic or the other since she was a few months old almost every 8 weeks) that if she doesn’t take it we will be back in ths hospital for IV medication and fluids. I lay back down 4:45, I planned to get up at 5, when that plan was made everyone was coming with me, then medicine happened, and rain happened; I knew then the best I could hope for was to get there and not have forgotten anything. Fast forward 7:00, start time is 7:30 and I live 25 mins away, I am convincing her once again to take the next medicine…when Scott steps in and tells me to leave. 

Its raining, not just a mist, but rain, and so humid the air almost choked me. Friday morning I ran a 5K in roughly 35 mins, I was hoping for that (my best being 32-ish in 2014).  Quick call to mom that dad would have to drop her off, I park and walk briskly the .75 miles to the park when I hear the gun go off, I missed the National Anthem but I had to make a pitstop, no ands if’s or butt’s!  I handed my phone off to my mother just in time to cross the mat before they moved it, fumbling with my ipod and watch feeling incredibly clumsy and rushed my attitude definately matched the weather.

I know this course I have run it at least a dozen times in some way and walked it hundred’s of times a a young girl going to school, church, friend’s homes, or just to walk. I know there is a hill oit of the park, up from the firehouse, up from Pikar’s (I don’t know what its called now) and then the turn around. I was literally at the back. I thought a lot about my first year running this race, this event was what inspired me to want to push myself further and harder. While running I was pretty sure I saw the husband of my dear friend, and then saw her, I passed all the familiar places and then less than .75 miles to the finish I was at 33 mins, and had a huge pain inside my ankle, the one that I have been so lovingly taling care of. I wanted to puke it hurt so bad, and as fast as it hit, it also subsided; I walked another 60 steps and decided it would be a running finish. Sluggishly crossing thw finish, I forgot to stop my watch so the time on it reads 50:46 but that included chatting with a friend and half the walk back to the car, offical results aren’t available online yet. 

I know its not what I wanted, in fact its the slowest 5K timed event I have ever run, Im soaking right now because I am still cold hours later. 

I am also 20# heavier than I have been in 4 years, I am downright miserable. I know what to do,  without accountability I fail, this whole year has felt like a fail. I am really struggling with how to proceed, what to do next, where to go or what to try. I don’t believe in Weight Watchers anymore, I don’t do fad diets, I don’t know how to be happy and I have no place to go with all this sadness.  I wanted this year to be the best, I am dreading my birthday to the point of wanting to sleep that entire 24 hours and no one mention it.

40

Still fat

Still sad

Still searching

What a waste of a life….

So here’s my shitty picturess that I took and one my mom took showing how grossly fat I am. Happy fucking fat 4th of July, 


Doesn’t matter what I write here no one gives a shit anyhow. I may never run again. 

Just keep Running

I’ve managed to run every other day for the last week and a half; some days are much better than others. As I am exploring this thing called recovery I am also learning about proper stretching, tape, and patience, LOTS of patience. Everytime I lace up husband asks me, “How far ya gonna go?” Confidently I tell him, “2-4″ and some runs I do just that, and feel accomplished. Tonight was not one of those runs, my planned 2-3 ended up bein 1.14. I cut back on the tape and realize I cannot wear heels to work anymore if I am going to run like I expect myself to; practical flats it is wah, wah, wahhhhhh but it is the right thing to do for my feets health. 

It wasnt until I rounded the corner of the street that housed my very first apartment, which happens to be the street next to my second apartment and around the circle from my little house (I one day will not live in this neighborhood) I had a remembery (this is what Piper calls a memory). Its been 4 years since I started running. FOUR?!?! I recall the time when I walked out the door of my apartment and wanted to be able to walk to the mailbox and back, a little less than a mile, and then to be able to walk to the top of the hill and back about a mile and a quarter, then I was doing the entire neighborhood, to the gas station to buy a newspaper, to the water district to pay my bill and then I recalled the day I ran my first mile, then three, five and ten. I thought about how I have said countless times when asked how far I ran on a given day replying, ” Only six miles.” And getting a weird look. Ok I realize I’m never gonna this olympic athlete, or finish anything first, but I also know what its like to think, to the mailbox and back. 

Recovery is a lot like that first walk, taking it little by little, learning what I want to do and what I should do, yes there is a difference. I believe I will get back to running longer distances; I will get closer to my goal each day as long as I remembery why I started, why I continue and why I never give up.

“A quitter never wins, a winner never quits.” My dad has this under the glass of his desk, I’ve read it and touched it hundreds of times….because I never quit.

Reuniting with Writing & Running

Well lookie here, I had lost all hope of being able to log in to this blog again, but I decided yesterday during a really looooooooooong meeting to check and BAZINGA! it worked. ┬áSo since my last entry what have I been doing…hummmmmm…not much. I finally decided to see an orthopedist regarding my ankle and guess what? After an MRI the results show nothing is wrong, which is frustrating because it hurt like hell. I went to 2 PT sessions and then received the bill for said MRI and knew I couldn’t continue on at the cost I would incur; and then I got to thinking since when did I need someone to tell me what I needed to do to reach a goal, and isn’t running pain free a goal?

So I took the exercises the therapist gave me and I have been doing them at my desk, I have cautiously been running intervals and last weekend I was able to complete, running the entire distance, the Redlegs 5K. It may not sound that impressive, and my time was far from what I want, but the fact is I was able to run it pain free, and be pain free the next day. Memorial Day weekend brings the Run N’ Slug which I will not officially be participating in, but I will go and run the 4 mile leg, I have done the 8 mile run the past two years, I know I am not ready for 8 but soon I will be and I feel 4 is very doable.

This down time has been very hard on me not only physically but emotionally, I have fed and fed the depression and as a result I am 10# heavier and everything is soft. I am seeking the motivation to get my feet moving again, I am tempted to sign up for a run to force me back out on a regular schedule….maybe I will.

 

TBC……

29 days later…

I ran my first “recovery” mile. The ankle injury the gp and podotrist say didn’t exist feeling significantly better, the faciatis is what it is, I can handle that. It was Sunday morning, 60 degrees in December and my head needed it far  more than my body; though 29 days without running my weight is no different but my body is, I feel thick and full, I hate it. I decided to try just one mile, not pushing too hard, being conscious to how I felt physically as opposed to how well I thought I was doing. I stayed on a very flat path and after a few minutes of brisk walking I upped the pace. Finishing my lone mile in 12:15. That for me, is decent. Returning home I stretched a littleand  washed up; as the day wore on my foot was tender but the ankle felt great. 

The plan is to easily put myself back into full on marathon training for the Flying Pig May 1st. Officially I won’t begin a regime until January 3rd but this prep work will hopefully make my transition an easy one. The lessons I learened from my Columbus experience:

1) pick a plan and stick to it

2) cross training is VERY important

3) a healthy eating plan is equally important

So as I engage in this I am reviewing countless free plans and desigining something I know will follow these lessons and fit in with my family; they have been extremely supportive of this and I could not do it without them. My New Year’s intentions begin a little before the new year sets in but 2015 has without a doubt been the most physically demanding, emotionally challenging and educational year of my life. There are things I am going to dedicate myself to, things I am in the process of letting go, goals I have in motion and I know the destination I must stay focused on that with these other objectives in mind. 

I wil not be flooding facebook with posts about every mile I run, every race I complete, every goal I meet. As I approach, 40 I am realizing that not everyone needs to know all my business and most people dont care about it anyhow. This 2016 that is just heartbeats away is my year of putting me back together, the physical and mental; its about personal growth and strength. 

Running and yoga are two things that make me feel really good. 

I long for a love I can believe in. 

I want my daughters to see me as stronger and confident. 

I want to feel good.

Pretty simple… 

 

Follow Progress not Perfection on WordPress.com
Follow Progress not Perfection on WordPress.com