How to eat?

I have never really contemplated how I eat so much as what I eat. I understand the principles of proper nutrition, plenty of water, fruits, veggies, lean protein, whole grains and real fats. I regularly utilize measuring cups, spoons and before it broke a scale, I pay attention to portion size recommendations and try to shop smart. Our recent venture into clean eating has led me to appreciate the freshness and simplicity of food.


But never have I given much thought to How I eat…so today while I had little to do I was reading articles about eating and weight loss, and came across some tips that actually enhance the experience of a meal.


Eating as a family – at the table, engaging in conversation? People do this? We manage one night a week, between our work schedules and our commute often the adults are not hungry and the kids are, so we feed them and then we eat later. There are two reasons why this isn’t aiding in our success to be a healthier family; we miss out on the shared experience of mealtimes and we adults end up eating late and in front of the TV.


Tasting each bite – chewing slowly and savoring the product of cooking. I am guilty of this, when I do eat I feel like it’s a race, I eat quickly and often standing in the kitchen or parked in front of television. How does this defeat me? I don’t enjoy what I have made = I am not satisfied. Then I am tempted to eat more, when in reality I am not “hungry” I am not “satiated”.


Cooking with a loved one – exploring new recipes together. When we were first married we cooked all the time, now one of us is tending to the kids, cutting grass, folding laundry, out for a run, or just not in the mood. When we share we foster not only our nutritional needs, but our relationship.


Listening to bodily cues – realize the difference between satisfied and stuffed. I was not a forced member of the clean your plate club as a child, we had to eat a bite of everything and then when everyone was done we could be excused. For some reason as an adult I have this need to finish what I have served myself; being on Weight Watchers I have a point target for the day and often I have more than half of my points left for home eating. I feel like I have to finish what’s there – and then I am miserable. Why do I do this? I think in the coming weeks I will try to evenly spread out my points through the day unless I know we are  having a higher point dinner, then I won’t feel like I have to eat everything.


There are so many facets to a healthy lifestyle and each tip I learn is one step closer to my goal; to reaching a point where I don’t battle my demons with eating.


Personal Goal Met!!!

I didn’t think that I was even close to slipping back into these notorious “hot-ass” jeans just yet, I had it as my 65#’s lost reward to myself  I only tried them on because my one pair I do have that fits are fading fast, I’ve been wearing them since before I had Piper and they are soft and fit for about 20 minutes out of the dryer. I wanted to gauge how close I was to them fitting if it was worth spending money, even at a second hand store on a new pair. I was worried that my legs wouldn’t fit into them.


As I slid them off the hangar and over my first foot, I fully anticipated them to stop abruptly at my calves, the one body part I cannot seem to reshape at all. To my surprise they slid over, and up my thighs and the button fit perfectly into it’s little hole. I didn’t have to lay down on the bed or anything! ha-ha-ha


I know they aren’t a perfect fit -yet, if I sat in them they might bust, but they are on and that means I am close. It also means I won’t spend anything on something new!


So milestone met, money save, success rewarded – motivation? hell yes – I have several other things in my closet that have to be close to wearable too, just a matter of more pounds, inches, miles, sweat, measuring, planning and living!!!




Biggest Loser – Halfway through

Well The Biggest Loser at work has reached week 6 – I finally had a decent loss for there and have reached 10# loss according to their records.


At the outset I had a goal of 3# a week which I knew was crazy, but I am not unhappy with 10# in 6 weeks. What I am more pleased with is the inches I have been able to trim – I have two more weeks and then I will remeasure.


The leader as of last week has had amazing success, and I know that I am out of the running for anything but getting back my entry fee (possibly as I may be switching jobs if the odds are in my favor). I am still focused on reaching my personal goal weight and breaking through that zero over the weekend really felt like things are back on track.


I am hoping this weekend to hit my 30# milestone ….


Adventures into Clean Eating

What is clean eating?



 You’ve heard it in the news and magazines but what is it really?

Essentially it’s eating foods that had a mother or came from nature, in it’s simplest, least processed form. 

It does involve some planning, however anyone who is actively trying to lose weight, be healthy, save money or all of the above already devotes some time daily toward meal-planning and shopping lists.

The guidelines are fairly simple after reading several popular blogs/websites this is what I have learned:

1) eat non processed foods (skip the boxed foods)

2) eat 6 small meals a day, this keeps our body from feeling hungry, lessening the urge to binge, and encouraging our metabolism to keep running

3) no soda or alcohol (ok I can give up the soda, but my occasional beer will have to stay – moderation in all things)

4) no skipping meals, especially breakfast – I am very guilty of this

5) avoid saturated and trans fats, hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup

6) eat fresh fruits and vegetables

After making this list I thought about my shopping trip this past Saturday, I had not made the intentional commitment to trying this until it was discussed Sunday but my cart contained the following:

watermelon, cantaloupe, blackberries, strawberries, peaches, nectarines, bananas, clementines, grapes, potatoes, kale, zucchini, squash, onions, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes,  chicken, eggs, milk, yogurt, cheese, whole grain bread, brown rice, Kashi cereal (kids love it too), oats

Then all the other stuff we needed…. so I pretty much already shop smart, its just a few other little changes that I will implement over time.

My thought here is multi-fold:

– my weight loss has been slow, steady but slow perhaps this little change will give me a boost

– my health and the health of my family, the freshness can be nothing but good for us all

– my budget will be what suffers, for anyone knows eating well is expensive – a garden next summer is a MUST

– we already are somewhat committed to this just by my participation in Weight Watchers, the points system allows you to eat anything but suggests healthier alternatives when possible

– I love learning something new and trying new things, so here is a great opportunity to do just that


So on this new adventure we go!



54 days…1 stick

Well I weighed myself yesterday morning and I was convinced I had another loss for TBL at work…not sure what happened but the loss was only  0.2# (that’s one stick of butter). Needless to say I was not happy, I didn’t expect a big loss I have posted good numbers for me each week so I knew a small one was soon to come, and I should be happy that it wasn’t a gain – but still I was angry. I have worked hard this week – been faithful to my tracker and activity.Keeping my eye on the prize I have to remind myself that I have done well. A loss is a loss, it wasn’t a gain.


I did weigh myself this morning and was very happy with what I saw number wise, so I just have to go on that momentum and know that I will have another little loss on Sunday.










WW: Indulgence and Choices

Definition of indulgence (n)


 [ in dúljənss ]

  1. yielding to somebody’s wish: the act of gratifying or yielding to a wish
  2. something allowed as luxury: something that somebody lets himself or herself or another person have, especially a luxury
  3. tolerant attitude: a kind or tolerant attitude toward somebody

Synonyms: luxuryextravagancepleasuretreat


Yesterday when I went to my meeting and the word “Indulgence” was used and then we were asked if that evokes a positive or negative response. A few of the members said “positive” a few “negative”, I say “both”.

Of course I get asked why….

To me indulgence is taking part in something that makes you feel good, it’s how you manage the indulgence.

I could eat an entire pint of Coconut Almond Chip Ice Cream, easily, in the past that’s exactly what I would do, all us fat kids know a pint is one serving; but this recovering fat-kid knows better. I can allow myself to indulge in a serving, I can “backload” (adding in a planned indulgence to my tracker so that I don’t lose sight of my daily point allowance) to my day, and then my indulgence is permissible. I don’t have to think of ice cream, donuts, chips, or drinks out with friends, as bad, or stressful – I just have to plan for it…and what if I don’t pre-plan indulgence? What if I never allow indulgence?

I remember back in ’03 when I had my best success at weight loss, I simply told myself trigger foods were off limits. If I didn’t allow it, if I didn’t buy it, if it wasn’t there then I wouldn’t have to fight the temptation. How is that setting myself up for life long success? It’s not.

I remember the day I fell. It was cold out, maybe February or early March. I was 6-8 weeks into lifetime status. I had slept at my parents house and there is a bakery near by. As I headed to work I could smell the donuts frying, I remember the thought process, asking myself when was the last time I had a doughnut? I couldn’t remember. I walked my then size 6 self into the bakery and got one. One chocolate, cake doughnut covered in glaze, so sticky because it was still a little warm and milk, when was the last time I drank milk? Probably 6 months or more. I sat in the car and I swear I swallowed it whole, the milk in one gulp….and immediately I felt guilty and sick; and that led to a day of food disaster. Not every day that followed was one full of bad choices, but they increased, I stopped tracking, vending machines at my second job became a habit….and so I ended up back at weight watchers after all this time again, fighting the same demons, but this time I posses the knowledge of success and failure. I understand that depravity isn’t realistic, and that self-discipline is the only means by which to overcome.

So when I hear indulgence, I say yes, indulge, sensibly…and sometimes not. Everyday is an opportunity to succeed, living life is the most important part, existence alone is empty. So grab a pint, share it with a friend, be proud of the baby steps, count the baby steps and the ice cream – life is good.


20 Trips Later

                                                                     Bust  was 44″ now 42.5″  

Rear was 47″ now 44.5″

Waist was 42″ now 36.5″

Arms were 17″ now 15″

Thigh was 29.5″ now 25.25″

Calves 20″ – 19.75″ 

Pants was 14/16 now 12/14

Shirt was XL now L

Total measurable loss 16.25″ and 25#

Miles ran: 46.51

This month has been difficult, my loss has not been in pounds. I had a big gain of almost 10 after the Warrior dash in the beginning of June and it’s been a tough road back to my 10% loss weight of 211, but I made it back finally. I promised myself that I would measure because sometimes loss isn’t in pounds but inches, and thus the case for me. A little more off my waist, chest and finally a little off my catcher’s calves. 


Biggest achievement of the month has been the number of miles I have logged and my dedication to keep moving. I have slowly become addicted, anyone who talks to me can testify I’ll tell ya all about it 🙂 I feel like something is missing if I skip a day. Yesterday I did my first 4 mile run and I was pleased with just shy of 54 minutes. 


61 days to go

Week 3 of the Biggest Loser at work, I lost 3 more pounds total is 7.6, I am pleased with that number, in three weeks that is a decent amount and I am back to my 25# loss total that I got away from – next hurdle is to be below 210 – which I will hit on Sunday. (note the word will – meaning it is a certainty). The class last night was just what I needed, it was a strength routine that I can implement at home we only used a pair of dumbbells and the activity band both items which I have and will be a part of my regime beginning tomorrow – I didn’t participate in the leg portion of the work-out as much as I normally would have but I was afraid the newness of it would ruin me for the 5K today, but I did all the upper body and a limited amount of the lower body. The instructor was motivating and realistic, she encouraged everyone to work at a pace that was comfortable for themselves and offered alternative motions for people who had knee and back problems.

I witnessed the weigh-ins from the sidelines and I saw a lot of smiles and some frowns – scales are so scary to some, I am so accustomed to them. I allow the number to show me how I have succeeded or view it as motivation to work a bit harder the next week.

I fell just short of the top ten people, with a total loss so far of 3.46% – my hope is that steady loss over the duration will lead me to at least the top 3, I accept now that the reality of being the winner it very unlikely as quite a few of the participants just have more to lose than I do, but I am not giving up, I have a plan and am going to mix things up a bit this next week and see if it makes an impact or not.



Loving Myself

This past few days I have really been considering my interactions with other people over my lifetime regarding my appearance and how it impacts my self love.

My earliest memory of worrying about what other people think stems back to the age of 7-8. I was on the playground at my elementary school and someone yelled, “Save the Whales club!” and pointed. I was crushed. It was then that I realized for some reason there was something wrong with me, I was fat, and other kids noticed; I remember after then hoarding Twinkies in my closet in my room, eating my meals fast and stuffing myself uncomfortable, watching other kids eat and wishing I had more. Sometime there after my mom and a friend’s mom signed us up for Weight Watchers. My mom portioned out for me lunches to take to school and as a reward I got to have salad from McDonald’s with croutons. I don’t recall how long I was in the program but it wasn’t too long.

My next recollection of being overweight and unattractive came in 7th or 8th grade, between then I fell in love with baseball and didn’t care much for being a girl, I wore hats and baseball t-shirts.  It was then I started to develop, my complexion was terrible and I was put on medication, I recall swallowing those black and yellow pills and coating my face with Oxy at night and Stridex pads after a Neutrogena face wash in the morning, and then putting on a full face of makeup (foundation and powder)  my hair was and still is to straight to be curly and too curly to be straight. I went shopping with a friend and we got matching outfits, the only problem is she was stick thin and I was so far from that at 160 pounds, I just wanted to be cute like she was; my mom made me return the clothing and I was mad, I didn’t understand that she was saving me from humiliation.

At the age of 14 in high school I went on another diet, I was promised a trip to Spring Training if I could drop the pounds, I did it. We went, it was amazing, I ate and ate and ate while I was there, the habit hadn’t been learned. By this time I accepted that I was not pretty, I knew I wasn’t thin, I wasn’t smart, popular, athletic, my self esteem was so low. I couldn’t wait to graduate and then I just knew college would be different. But, it wasn’t even with a boyfriend I was still all the things I had let define my perception of myself.

I tried everything pills, fasting, puking…nothing changed me for long…I could tell you about Mini-Thins, Weight Watchers, Green-Tea Diet, Phen-phen, chromium, slim fast, acai berry…..

Fast forward, it’s 2013.

Today I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend and I still fight how I feel about myself. Today someone told me I was cute, that I always look cute.

I have thought about that all day. When I was running to get thinner, as I sit here starving because I have a weigh-in tonight, lusting for the food I will eat when I get home…am I really any different than I was before? Has my life changed at all? I have told men in my past when describing myself, “…what I may lack in looks, I more than make up with personality and intelligence.” I am no genius, I am an excellent bullshitter, I listen and read people well; personality – I have exactly zero friends that I are not family relations, do I really have a great personality?


So back to my topic….but I had to go through all that to get back to it, my hubs and I had a very deep textation (that’s a conversation via text – it’s how we communicate best). “Sure, I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself, the girls and I pick up on it. We all love you so much we wish you could love yourself as much as we do.” That one statement told me so much – I have so much self loathing within from years of being told I was overweight (which I know I was but the names and endless diet fads), from years of being ignored by boys/men, feeling like I wasn’t enough – that I believe I am not enough, if I continue to believe this then I will never love what and who I am.

 As a woman I am far more critical of myself than anyone else is…

here is the root of the root, the truth – I actually think I am pretty.


That is not an easy thing for women to admit, it’s perceived as self-centered and vain, but why should I let anyone decide if I think I am attractive or not? I am well aware of all the things I am not – a size 4, luscious amazing locks, legs that go for miles…

I think I have amazing eyes, especially when I have just mascara on. My waist for my weight is actually slim, my rear is round and fills out my jeans just right. My skin has never been smooth or blemish free, but for almost 37 and the torture I put it through, I don’t think it’s awful. The curve of my abdomen will never be flat again, but within that sanctuary I housed the two greatest things I have or ever will be a part of – my girls and I cannot hate my body for giving them room to grow.

I know that I am nerdy and I don’t fit in socially, that there is something in me people just don’t like, I have yet to figure out what that is, I am not certain that I ever will.

I know that loving myself is not just acceptance of my physical self, but it’s a step in the right direction. Next I have to reshape my thought process. I have to constantly remind myself that despite the choices I make my intentions are always ones for the best, I will make mistakes, lots of them but they are opportunities to learn and grow.


Celebrate Eating Well

This is the handout that we were given at the challenge on Wednesday to record our current eating habits.

I realize it’s a little difficult to read but I would be more than happy to e-mail it to anyone if you would like  to look it over ~ it’s very comprehensive and allows you evaluate how you are eating and where you could make better choices if you wanted to!



Keeping in mind that diets are short term, when you want to drop a few pounds before vacation or maybe a wedding or reunion, they have value, but for me and my relationship with food it’s a lifestyle commitment.


This includes being realistic about the things I choose daily, most days I am all column C, and now and then I dip into A and B.


When a splurge is planned:

 When I  know that a party or night out is coming,  I try to be a little more conscious about the rest of my week, so when that event has arrived I am prepared to let myself have an indulgence – be it french fries or birthday cake (this is where I am a fan of cupcakes, pre-portioned party fun!) No more are the days where I mentally beat myself up before an event struggling with how I will behave.


What about when something comes up and I am faced with an impromptu meal out or at a friend’s house?

There is always a better option, the choices may not be the greatest but there are ways to eat anywhere.

Dining out: I try to choose grilled or baked anything. I ask for dressing on the omit cheese or bacon (I let myself have one or the other not both), split an entree, ask for the lunch portion, ask for a to go box brought to the table when the meal is brought and immediately put half or more into it for the next day, I don’t go out much but my girls and I eat pretty similarly so often I can get one adult entree and the three of us share it, this goes for desserts as well.


At Someone Else’s Home: Momma said never go to someones home empty handed – Olive Garden has the best salad to go, it comes with bread (you can get unbuttered) a bottle of dressing, in a nice bowl serving spoons – who doesn’t love their salad? That then becomes the bulk of my plate only adding things they have prepared to it minimally; if it’s a good friend they may know that you are trying to eat smart and offer to prepare your protein or side without oils or butter, better yet they may let you help in the cooking!

(my mom and mother in law both are helpful with this).


The best defense here is to have a game plan, to stick to it, to enjoy yourself and move on.


Celebrate eating well!!!





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