Monday…again

I’ve always struggled with weight. At age 7 I did Weight Watchers the first time.

 

I remember hoarding Twinkies in my room, I know my mother knew this was happening. I still find myself putting the things I like most in the back of the fridge or shelf, not that we have many items that could really cause issue – but yes I’ve eaten bakers chocolate, spoons of brown sugar, and my kids goodies from party days. My admission “aloud” isn’t an easy one. But beneath whatever body I’m in, I’m a fat kid looking for a fix. This confession also allows me to ask for help.

 

I thought I had made big steps in combating this addiction, but tonight I made a massive dinner for myself. I sat before two bowls. However this time one was full of fresh steamed broccoli, the other with some noodles and turkey that I made on Sunday. As I put my fork in the first bite it was like someone was about to take it from me, I had to hide it so no one saw that I was eating that much. I stuffed it all down and then realized as I did the dishes I had no reason what so ever to feel bad about what I was eating. It was broccoli with a little salt and pepper, the noodles I measured, 2 cups, the turkey 6 oz. I have points to spare.

 

So at what point will I be able to accept eating alone to not be bad? I don’t know, because I did feel guilty about eating it. I journalled it, I did exactly what I was supposed to do. When will the emotional response be appropriate to the action. I should have been proud that what I ate was:

a) healthy

b)in line with my daily plan

c)O.K.

 

So have I made progress?

 

I have to say yes. It was a lot of food to look at, however it was the correct foods for me. It was warm and filling. I think my guilt stems from the speed at which I consumed it. This is something I need to focus on, perhaps  putting my fork down between bites, taking a drink between bites,..something to ponder.

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