March 11: Physical and Mental Health

PHYSCAL HEALTHlarge

Today is the first run in, dam I had to look since January 25. No wonder I have been so cranky! I have been getting my yoga in and my failed attempt at Body Beast (still hate it). I could list a bunch of excuses, and while we did have two snow falls of more than 5″ in those weeks the other weeks I was just flat-out lazy. My personal life has been full of turmoil and I am a this or that, meaning balls to the wall binge run or sloth. This time I opted for sloth.

This morning when I got up I packed my bag, be it all inspired for the 15K Heart-Mini I am participating in on Saturday, I packed it and at 11:30 I changed and out the door I went. It was a rather refreshing two miles (yeah only two, so how on Earth will I do 9+ in just 3 days?!), 45 degrees, sun shining, short sleeves, IT FELT LIKE HOME. I was reminded why I love it, because my body says no and stop but my head tells it to shut up and I go. Everything ached, my knees, hips, ankle, my chest burned and my head throbbed, but I did it. No less rewarding than 13 miles its all about accomplishment. It’s about putting one more foot forward and knowing I can do it, it’s knowing that in a few weeks 6 miles will feel good and then another week or two later 10 will be tolerable and by May I will take 13 in stride as I inch closer to the goal of the year – completing the Columbus Marathon.

My weight which is usually my focus, the number, I have been a lot better at looking at from a “How does it fit?” stance. I was able to buy pants for work a size smaller than I thought I was, and even they were wee bit big but I didn’t want to push it, next fall they will be too big. I was able to buy jeans a size smaller as well and if not for my damn calves (which I will openly admit here don’t look as bad as they used to) were also smaller, the waist is too big but they have to fit the whole leg. I have hope that I will be able to wear shorts this summer, something I have not done since 2008.

MENTAL HEALTHimages

I have spent most of 2015 so far in reflection.

How lucky I am to have a body that cooperates, to have a support system to back me when times are tough, to realize that counseling has led me to know what I need from life and which things I can release from. How blessed I am to have reunited a friendship that means the world to me, and though it is not the same, as things rarely stay the same, it is just as good and just as valued as it was before. I am thankful to have a job that I enjoy 99% of the time, children who are learning what a happy mother looks like and a spirit that is unstoppable.

I can’t say there haven’t been downer days, that I haven’t hurt, cried and been downright miserable but the silver lining is that all things are pointing in a positive direction. (I consulted a Magic 8 ball and it concurred). I have love and richness in my life that is only measured by the scale in my head, an outlook on myself that is renewed and positive, and lastly the knowledge that my future is really up to me.

“Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not – won’t. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.”

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Body Beast: Week 3 and Making Grown-up Decisions

BODY BEAST

Three weeks in and I have to admit, I hate it. I guess I should have done more research, this was the wrong program for me. I love the cardio and abs day but the rest, meh. The leader is incredibly annoying, and there is so much down time I spend more of the workout waiting for the next set to begin that I feel guilty counting it as exercise. That being said I will complete the program because a quitter I am not. Thanks, Dad.

The husband loves it and says he feels like it’s a good workout for him, and I can tell there is a difference. The first time we did the cardio he couldn’t finish it and now he’s right there with me.

I am suffering through the cold streak and haven’t been running because it is so cold, if the sun would just come out! I want to go so badly and then I open the door and say hells no. (yes it’s an excuse) I was given a week where it was warm and went out three of the days at lunch and got in three miles on each of them, and the next few days it’s supposed to be above 20.

MAKING GROWN-UP DECISIONS

The biggest decision I have had to make right now is that I will not be doing any paid events this year, with exception to the Fourth of July 5K. After looking at our budget and the reality that we will not be able to afford to send our children to the school we want to, because the aftercare is SO expensive that we are going to have to move to a school district that I do find acceptable; I rethought my race schedule and how selfish it is of me to take money from our budget for racing. Mentally and emotionally this is extremely difficult for me; this one thing, running timed events has been the motivator for me pushing myself the last two years, and now I have lost that as well. I have 5 passes left for yoga that I paid for last fall and then I will lose that as well. I know there is sidewalk everywhere and yoga on you-tube but it’s not the same. There is no run I can do alone that gives me the same satisfaction as an official time (crazy I know for someone who will never win anything); there is no online video that is the same as sharing space with people doing their practice, have you ever tried trying to do yoga in a full house with no space and a dog who must be up your rear all the time? It’s not calming at all.

Wow, what a poor-me post. Can’t help it, it’s where I am right now. No sugar-coating, no hiding. I want to feel like it’s going to turn around, that we will find a way to make it all work, but right now in this moment, the cloud is hanging awfully low.

I will post 4 week BB pics and stats, maybe it is working and I just don’t feel it.

Mental Health – It’s a trap!

I was given some homework – to review a series of Mind Traps …”Many feelings such as sadness, anxiety and anger are caused and kept alive by the conclusion that we make. Sometimes we make wrong conclusions over and over because we are stuck in mind traps that rob us of our ability to be logical.”

All-or-Nothing Thinking, filtering and Selective Abstraction, Catastrophizing, Self-References, Arbitrary Inference & Temporal Causality, Emotional Reasoning, Overgeneralization, Mind Reading, Excessive Responsibility, Labeling, I Should, Poisoning the Positive, They Should, Magnification or Minimization, Unfair Comparisons, Fortune Telling, and Thought as Things.

Over the next two weeks I have to think about the documentation for each and choose the ones I am most guilty of.

We discussed my opinion of myself the last session and he asked what I liked about myself, who ever thinks about that? I came up with my tattoos and my interaction with my children. This time we talked more about my sabotaging my own happiness, and why I do it, my struggle with failure and acceptance. Somewhere along the line I have taught myself to worry so much that it has become counter productive and not the normal worry, not the worry most people have.

I talked myself out of worrying this past weekend, I kept the promises I made myself, I didn’t cry and I didn’t worry. My patience is still incredibly thin, I get frustrated and can’t think straight, but I am controlling my anger, I am keeping quiet until it subsides and then calmly react to the situation.

I am gonna call this mild progress.

 

 

 

 

 

Healing and Goals

HEALING

Well it has been 18 days since my last run, it what a tough mile was, that mile I decided it was time to listen to my body and to give my foot a few weeks off.  I have been wearing super practical (unattractive) shoes, with inserts, ice packs and castor oil heated wraps (thanks to the tip from my cousin Sara).

 

Self  Prognosis: I think I am on the road to recovery; combine all of that with my new love of yoga and practicing this pose (toes pressed to the wall) my faciatis muscle (seen to the right here), has been stretched slowly. I no longer wake up in crippling pain. Tonight I am going to go an easy mile (maybe 3), not focused on speed, but completing the activity. I plan to follow my run up with a Slow Flow class that always helps me sleep a little better because of it’s late start time.

 

GOALS

I have lofty goals for 2014.

1) Meet MY goal weight – 175#

2) Run a half marathon (maybe 2)

3) Win my age division in August at the library run

4) Aid my daughters in better food decisions

 I had to be realistic and remove the 15K I had planned for March, I don’t want to push too hard, risk straining my foot with a super aggressive training plan and not make the half in May. A 10K by then is a more attainable goal . I am lucky that I am not starting where I was last year, I know that I can go out right now and run 4 miles, may not be pretty but I know I can do it.

 

Yoga, Pilates, Barre, and more!!!

The winter has definitely hit hard, it makes getting in activity a little more challenging. Admittedly I have been lazy, the grey dreary skies have never been a friend of mine, and this cold…well don’t get me started, spring training is only a few short days away which means spring is near as well.


I have recently been inspired by a woman who I have known since I was 4 or 5 years old. She has been participating in an Instagram challenge for January posting the most amazing yoga poses. So I messaged her and I went to my first yoga and barre class this past Sunday morning at Full Body Yoga & Fitness http://www.fullbodyyoganky.com/. Let me say…ahhhmmmmazing! The class that I took was the Slow Flow, geared toward all ability levels, thank goodness because being a beginner at anything is a struggle for me, I want to be right, right away. Oddly enough this was a very comfortable newbie experience, I could feel the connection to my martial arts training and my body easily accepted what I was doing, and at the end, my entire back released and felt better than it has in months. I am signed up already for several other sessions this week. 


The Barre class was something totally foreign to me, I am not a “ballet” type but I have heard such good things about the workout I had to try it. My arms, legs and rear can testify that it was a workout and then some, add that to the squat challenge I am in with my Weight Watchers ladies the temptation to run when I got home was quickly put to rest, though I did consider it.


My hope is that I gain some strength and flexibility and maybe a little of that inner peace we all search for, to tone my jiggly spots back to where they belong, to let my foot heal and when outdoor running season is upon me (please hurry warm weather) I will get up to speed quickly, pun intended. 

 What we steadily, consciously, habitually think we are, that we tend to become

 

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