Just Breathe

On Wednesday nights at 7:45 I leave my house and I take my mommy time.  I take a slow flow yoga class (I also take one on Sunday mornings), I really love both instructors, each has her own unique teaching method, which I appreciate.  The evening class comes at a good point for me in the week, it’s a running rest day on my current plan, the kids will be asleep when I get home, after a hot shower it’s usually the best night of sleep I get.  Last night I unrolled my mat in the corner where no one would be to my right. I sat and massaged my feet and thought about the events of the week…the stress load has lightened slightly. The instructor welcomed the class and I set my intention for my practice, the same one I set every week, I somehow hope the person that is in my thoughts feels my love.  The music selection usually involves something very beachy, soft and light, as we moved from pose to pose, one song faded out and the next starts in, last night as the music transitioned I heard a mellow guitar melody I knew in those first notes of the song that I was going to cry, Just Breathe ~  Pearl Jam.  The first time I heard this song I fell in love with it, when my grandmother passed in 2012 I was blessed to be the person who created her video memory. This was the song I chose.

Downward facing dog, to plank, lower slowly, breathe, tears streaming down my face, trying not to audibly sob, pull through upward facing dog, eyes closed, breathe, roll over my toes and back to downward dog. Tears drop onto my mat, so warm, feeling the heat rise from within me, up my chest and to my face, struggling to breathe, I tried to fight the tears but I lost. Dripping onto my shirt, mascara leaving the tell tale sign of crying on my flush cheeks. Mountain pose, strong and stable, inside weak and so sad.  Balance on the left foot, King Dancer , reaching, stretching, crying….finally making it to supported shoulder stand , gently back down, breathe, corpse….5, 10 , 15 minutes I have no idea. I lay there tears just flowed down my face, my neck, beneath me. Everything hurt, my back and legs, my head and heart.

I got in my car and headed home, I watched my littles sleep, kissed Scott on the forehead as he slept in the chair and went to bed myself. I was rather exhausted.

I set out with intentions to have a relaxing yoga class, to have a little time away from the stress of day to day life, to ease the ache that lingers in my body from all that I put it through, and what I did was emotionally empty myself.

http://youtu.be/kuq7RYQ8Wa0

Just Breathe

Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh-huh

As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh

Oh I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I  love

Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they’ve got non

 

Stay with me….

Let’s just breathe…

 

Practiced all my sins, never gonna let me wun, uh-huh

Under everything, just another human being, uh-huh

I don’t wanna hurt, there’s  so much in this world to make me bleed

 

Stay with me…

You’re all I see…

 

Did I say that I need you?

Did I say that I want you?

Oh, if I didn’t I’m a fool you see

No one knows this more than me

 

As I come clean….

I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh

Everything you gave

And nothing you would save, oh no

 

Nothing you would take

Everything you gave….

 

Did I say that I need you?

Oh, did I say that I want you?

Oh, if I didn’t I’m a fool you see

No one knows that more than me

And I come clean, ah….

 

Nothing you would take

Everything you gave

Hold me till I die

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