Adventures into the Whole30 Lifestyle

I love healthy foods and I am great at getting on a kick for a while, I see and feel progress and let myself “cheat” but my “cheats” are more than a slice of cake on my birthday or a special dinner out (which never happens); it’s days long of crap in, no wonder why I feel like crap when all I feed myself is garbage.

Food is my best friend and worst enemy. I am certain there are millions of people old and young who have that same relationship with food. It temporarily fixes what I feel or don’t feel . The last few months I have really struggled, I looked at my running record and I should be in the neighborhood of 200-300 miles by this time in the year and I am at less than 150. My weight has been steady but I attribute that to running just enough and balancing the crap just right. But I see it and feel it. I am flabbier than usual and feel physically terrible. Mentally, thank goodness I am thrilled to report I feel better than I have in a very long time and am (CHEER) anti-depressant free!!! My legs have felt heavy and I am so thirsty when I run, despite dropping water on my routes I can’t get enough, then feel sluggish. So I looked into heavy legs and running – ah-ha!!! Dehydration and a mineral deficiency are probable culprits.

How to remedy this?

I have seen countless friends post their self challenge of the Whole30.  There is no gimmick, no group to join (unless you want to), no pills, powders, supplements, shakes . It’s food. Real food, as minimally processed as possible, and NO SUGAR. That is the killer, label nazi is the title to bear. Scouring everything to make sure there is none, no pop, candy, juice-drinks, beer (sadface). Meat, veggies, fruits, healthy oils and portion control. So why not try it. The two people I know closely who have done this have experienced weight loss (already active people who changed their relationship with food), and I noticed their skin – glowing and not in that pregnant glow way. How can I not try this? It’s 30 days.

Day 1 measurements: (7/20/2015)

Hips 42.5″

Arms 15″

Chest 42″

Waist 36.75″

Calf 18.75″

Thigh 25″

Weight 212.6 (this made me way unhappy)

The goal is to detox from sugar, and reestablish healthy eating habits as far as content and portions, the site provides an excellent shopping list which I just printed and added my other items to. Pinterest is full of Whole30 food porn, I have pinned dozens of meals I am eager to try. This first week I am keeping it simple, things I know that I enjoy and are easily prepared. I can only look forward with optimism that this will boost me into a new stage in my relationship with food and one that I can stick to for a long time.

Day One Mood and Food:

MOOD: After the sad scale news I was ok, my attitude positive as I had planned to not let myself fail on this first day. I did have a headache that raged most of the day which I attribute to no caffeine or sugar at all. Exercise wise it was a rest day, but I did do about an hour of yard work. I did sleep rather well, better than I have in a while. So as this experiment goes on we shall see how I feel.

FOOD:

Breakfast 1.5 scrambled eggs, a few slices of steak, asparagus

10 am snack: nectarine

Lunch: was a fail – I had a salad and had purchased a dressing that was within the guidelines and it tasted of bitter water, so I added some cashews and ate what I could.

2 pm snack: 2 oz tuna

Dinner: 5 oz pot roast (very lean) roasted root veggies, roasted in chicken broth, topped with a little black pepper and a pinch of salt, steamed broccoli

Dessert: banana (I was hungry and banana’s give me heartburn but that with water gave me the full feeling I wanted)

Water intake:88 oz + 24 oz seltzer water (I crave bubbles)

14 Sleeps Till Go Time

This past Saturday I set out on my last long run before the trifecta I have my self set up for. It was an emotional morning as I did not want to get out of bed, I did not want to run. I have been extremely tired and in general not feeling well. Most days it’s all I can do to pull myself together. But, mind over matter I got dressed and headed to my newly custom designed 13 mile course. The goal for the day was to complete the distance with as little walking as possible, I allow myself to walk through my water stops but that’s it.  I recall thinking on a right turn down Main Street in Florence only 4.5 miles to go, and I digested that thought. There was a time when I couldn’t run a mile, let alone fathom 13, and in this moment I was encouraged by having so little left ahead of me. The final incline proved to be the killer, driving up it I never realized it was so steep. But 2:40 after I started I was done, 13 miles in the log. Admittedly I was exhausted, I cried, I celebrated…alone.

This next two weeks is comprised of 4 short runs (4-5 miles each) and one 8 miler on Saturday, two yoga classes and a cycle class “if” I don’t have an interview (I hope I have an interview). The on the night of my 14th sleep I will pick up my race packet and I will accomplish one task I set out to, early last year. It’s been a long journey, one filled with many lessons:

shoes and socks are more than shoes and socks

regardless if I finish first or last, I am miles ahead of those who dare not take a step at all

sometimes I cry the whole route, and when I finish I am spent and revived

music (for me) makes all the difference in the world

I will never be the best or worst

injury can affect a person in many ways, but the choices available are: give in or let it make you stronger – faciaitis, runners knee, shin splints, aching knumb toes, several hamstring & groin pulls – stronger I am

and most importantly never saying never. Because I was the fat, ugly, slow kid who had a philosophy of hit the ball long and hard, so I didn’t have to run fast and slide. I am still not fast, but I have endurance and a heart that never gives up.

 

 

 

 

The Daily Triple enters a new Century

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This past weekend I reached a huge milestone! I am in the one hundreds (by just a little for now) again after 6 years.   I amped up my running schedule and logged 87.5 miles in July, my first 9 and 10 miler of the season, I am well in to the 1/2 training plan I created for myself. I have to say some of the loss is attributed to the heat, I can’t eat when it’s hot out and I have no desire to eat after I run, I am getting plenty of water as I have finally figured out how to hydrate myself with ease when out.

I only have 29# more to go to reach my goal, coincidentally this milestone was reached on my 38th birthday – what a gift I gave myself!

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After a 4 mile run at my parents house – holy hilly difference!

Loving Myself

This past few days I have really been considering my interactions with other people over my lifetime regarding my appearance and how it impacts my self love.

My earliest memory of worrying about what other people think stems back to the age of 7-8. I was on the playground at my elementary school and someone yelled, “Save the Whales club!” and pointed. I was crushed. It was then that I realized for some reason there was something wrong with me, I was fat, and other kids noticed; I remember after then hoarding Twinkies in my closet in my room, eating my meals fast and stuffing myself uncomfortable, watching other kids eat and wishing I had more. Sometime there after my mom and a friend’s mom signed us up for Weight Watchers. My mom portioned out for me lunches to take to school and as a reward I got to have salad from McDonald’s with croutons. I don’t recall how long I was in the program but it wasn’t too long.

My next recollection of being overweight and unattractive came in 7th or 8th grade, between then I fell in love with baseball and didn’t care much for being a girl, I wore hats and baseball t-shirts.  It was then I started to develop, my complexion was terrible and I was put on medication, I recall swallowing those black and yellow pills and coating my face with Oxy at night and Stridex pads after a Neutrogena face wash in the morning, and then putting on a full face of makeup (foundation and powder)  my hair was and still is to straight to be curly and too curly to be straight. I went shopping with a friend and we got matching outfits, the only problem is she was stick thin and I was so far from that at 160 pounds, I just wanted to be cute like she was; my mom made me return the clothing and I was mad, I didn’t understand that she was saving me from humiliation.

At the age of 14 in high school I went on another diet, I was promised a trip to Spring Training if I could drop the pounds, I did it. We went, it was amazing, I ate and ate and ate while I was there, the habit hadn’t been learned. By this time I accepted that I was not pretty, I knew I wasn’t thin, I wasn’t smart, popular, athletic, my self esteem was so low. I couldn’t wait to graduate and then I just knew college would be different. But, it wasn’t even with a boyfriend I was still all the things I had let define my perception of myself.

I tried everything pills, fasting, puking…nothing changed me for long…I could tell you about Mini-Thins, Weight Watchers, Green-Tea Diet, Phen-phen, chromium, slim fast, acai berry…..

Fast forward, it’s 2013.

Today I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend and I still fight how I feel about myself. Today someone told me I was cute, that I always look cute.

I have thought about that all day. When I was running to get thinner, as I sit here starving because I have a weigh-in tonight, lusting for the food I will eat when I get home…am I really any different than I was before? Has my life changed at all? I have told men in my past when describing myself, “…what I may lack in looks, I more than make up with personality and intelligence.” I am no genius, I am an excellent bullshitter, I listen and read people well; personality – I have exactly zero friends that I are not family relations, do I really have a great personality?

 

So back to my topic….but I had to go through all that to get back to it, my hubs and I had a very deep textation (that’s a conversation via text – it’s how we communicate best). “Sure, I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself, the girls and I pick up on it. We all love you so much we wish you could love yourself as much as we do.” That one statement told me so much – I have so much self loathing within from years of being told I was overweight (which I know I was but the names and endless diet fads), from years of being ignored by boys/men, feeling like I wasn’t enough – that I believe I am not enough, if I continue to believe this then I will never love what and who I am.

 As a woman I am far more critical of myself than anyone else is…

here is the root of the root, the truth – I actually think I am pretty.

 

That is not an easy thing for women to admit, it’s perceived as self-centered and vain, but why should I let anyone decide if I think I am attractive or not? I am well aware of all the things I am not – a size 4, luscious amazing locks, legs that go for miles…

I think I have amazing eyes, especially when I have just mascara on. My waist for my weight is actually slim, my rear is round and fills out my jeans just right. My skin has never been smooth or blemish free, but for almost 37 and the torture I put it through, I don’t think it’s awful. The curve of my abdomen will never be flat again, but within that sanctuary I housed the two greatest things I have or ever will be a part of – my girls and I cannot hate my body for giving them room to grow.

I know that I am nerdy and I don’t fit in socially, that there is something in me people just don’t like, I have yet to figure out what that is, I am not certain that I ever will.

I know that loving myself is not just acceptance of my physical self, but it’s a step in the right direction. Next I have to reshape my thought process. I have to constantly remind myself that despite the choices I make my intentions are always ones for the best, I will make mistakes, lots of them but they are opportunities to learn and grow.

 

Aspects of Loss

There are so many aspects to weight loss.

PHYSICAL: Seeing your body shape change. It’s not easy day by day, this time I am taking a photo each week so I can see the difference along the way. Reaching into the closet and a once snug pair of pants or top finally fitting and then being donated because it’s too big. Seeing a real shape to your figure, not that round isn’t a shape but unless you are Santa, or work for Pillsbury it’s not really attractive.

EMOTIONAL: Fighting the endless fight that is the mentality of being a “fat kid”. Fighting feeding moments in your life that don’t make sense. Fighting a celebratory meal, because what if this one meal is the path to my undoing.

FINANCIAL:  Not everyone needs an organized weight loss plan, but no matter what course you follow to your goal, eating healthy is more expensive – regardless if you buy all fresh items and cook yourself or you use the gift of the pre-packaged, pre-portioned items, it’s costly. Then as weight is lost there becomes a need for a new wardrobe, which is fun but can be a strain.

ATTITUDE: As we all shed unwanted pounds there emerges even in the shyest of individuals an aura of success and confidence. A smile that spreads across a face when encountering someone we haven’t seen in a while, or are asked what we did and then we preach about the benefits of the plan of choice. People can not only see it, but can feel it.

INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS: This one may be the most difficult because I find myself surrounded by of them;  I find people fall into one of these three groups:

1) Never had a weight problem, you know eat like everyday is a party and look amazing in leggings and boots, they don’t understand the accomplishment, no matter how big or small. The groups I find frustrating, because they eat all the things I crave the most and if they gain a little are able to bring it in and drop the pounds quickly without serious impact.

2) B.T.D.T. (been there done that’s) whether still maintaining their loss or have been in those shoes, people who can sincerely empathize with everything that we think, feel, and express. By far the easiest to get along with, trading secrets, recipes, sometimes in-between size clothes, they are us just at another stage, maybe a little ahead or behind but still in the same boat. Their support and true empathy is key to my success.

and finally

3) Those in our lives who need to change, who for a multitude of reasons need to experience the metamorphosis we have/will undergo but aren’t there yet, or simply don’t care to change. I find these people largely to be negative, and the most difficult because they will see our success as a threat or a fluke. Under their breath, and I can only say this because I have lived it, they will spout off criticism and yes I may fail again, life is difficult and I don’t know what’s ahead, but maybe this time I will hold fast to what I am doing and live my life in a healthy way, finding other means to deal with energy vampires and saboteurs.

 

I am firmly in group two for the ummteenth time, that whatever success we have had is short lived and we will be heavy again sometime soon, or how they feel we are self-righteous, or whatever — truth be told I’ve been in group three as well, and I hated group two’ers more than anything, I have a right to live in denial and not be subject to it.

 

I suppose my point it this: regardless of what group I am in I need only put out positive wishes for the others and live my success, hopefully I can learn and grow from every person in my life and maybe, just maybe I will help someone else along the way.

 

 

 

 

Note to self

Dear Me:

 

                Today has been a hard day.

I am proud of you for only eating 3 cookies, it could have been easily 7-10, you ate the dinner you planned instead of caving in for heart shaped pizza, you had a yummy lunch and made a choice that allowed you to enjoy something you really like.

It’s ok that you skipped a work out today, everyone needs a day of rest now and then. It doesn’t mean you won’t tomorrow, or the day after that…

It’s ok that you are feeling a little low and just want to cry. This is real life. Your triumph is that you didn’t feed it no matter how bad you wanted to.

So, relax. Enjoy (or try to) a night of rest. There are days left until Sunday, one day off doesn’t mean the week was a loss, it’s a moment and in the past. Let it go and let’s move forward.

Remember that I love you, you are doing great, this is a difficult journey and no one can be strong all the time, that also means that no one is weak all the time.

 

 

GOALS

I expect that this page will grow and change throughout the course of this journey as I meet goals, and that is a very good thing.

 

GOALS

LONG TERM

1. To be a healthy weight – for me that’s 165-175

2. To exercise 6 days a week for at least 20 minutes

3. To eat to live, not live to eat – to realize that food is to fuel my body not my emotions

4. To be accountable for MY actions

 

SHORT TERM

By May 26th (one week)

1. Log 120 minutes of activity

2. To have eaten sensible meals

3. To write a post daily about my success and failures

 

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