Rocky Mountain High

Last week I went to Colorado. It was an amazing trip! Upon landing I was awestruck by the landscape, it was raining but the mountains were breathtaking. My sister picked my up from the airport and as we talked and headed to her home, we witnessed not one but two double rainbows!

photoFriday morning we took a hike up Mt. Cuttler,  I’ve never been hiking before and everyone warned me about the altitude; the one mile trek up was challenging but I really enjoyed it. When we caphoto 1me to the summit all I could think of was a yoga class being held there, so why not have a few poses! The trail run down was also an entirely new experience, but was something I want to look into back home.

 

Saturday morning we decided to attend a local yoga studio where I took my first hot fusion class. An hour-long sweat fest. I impressed myself by being able to keep up with the fast paced instructor and proudly landed my first crow.  At class end I was saturated to say the least and eager to attend a similar class again!

In thephoto (1) evening we ran the Color Fest 5K. We were all sorts of color crazy! This was a more family focused event, so it was a struggle to actually run, and the course was short, all-in-all it was a fun time!

 

The last day of my mommy get-a-way I took a 4 mile run solo. I just took off and went until Garmin told me 2 miles had passed. I was able to take in parts of Colorado Springs, see the people on the streets in the early morning, breath in the dry air. It felt good to get out and go.

It was the first time in forever I can remember not toeing a scale for 3 days in a row, and I wasn’t upset with a 3# gain – I did indulge in some seriously amazing food.

Now that I am back home I am focused ahead to the events that I have signed up for:

8/24:Friendship City 5K (10th annual)     2013: 36:31

10/11: Queen Bee Half Marathon (1st ever)

11/15: Honor Half Marathon (1st ever)

11/27: Thanksgiving Day 10K (105th annual) 2013:1:13:37

After that I will focus on maintenance through the winter, cross training, yoga, and healthy eating habits.

 

 

 

 

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Memorial Day

I rarely get a three day weekend, this one was full of emotion and sharing time with the family, reflection and rest. I was able to sneak in naps two of the three days, both with at least one of my littles. This morning when I woke up I had planned for today to be a rest day but when I woke to my own cadence I saw the sun had just kissed the edge of the sky, the birds chirping and the hum of the freeway has been silenced by the leaves now thick and vibrant on the trees behind the houses. I lay there taking a soreness inventory, to my surprise nothing was tight or aching. I stretched and rolled into a child’s pose resting a long time, taking deep breaths and stretching my shoulders and back.

I want to run.
Time to run.

Its been a while since my body and head agreed. I’ve been pushing my body to do what my head says, today was different, I felt like the me of last summer. I wanted to feel my footfalls, the little bit of morning chill that would soon be swallowed up by the humidity and heat of summer. The littles heard me, I saw the golden heads pop up from the top bunk, “Morning
momma! Are you going to run?” “Yes, my loves. Let daddy sleep. Watch your watch and I’ll be back.” They stayed snuggled up as I shut the door behind me.

It wasn’t a great run, I seem to be stuck in this 12+/- minute mode, Last summer my best was around 10:30 I hope to get back there by August. i ran cautiously, thinking a great deal about many things that don’t matter, I counted 18 flags, kinda sad considering 6 were in my yard. The streets were empty with exception to the trash bins, who watched me run without a judging eye patiently waiting the garbage truck.

Everyone was awake when I got back, time for waffles and a parade. Time to pay tribute to those who are the bravest, those who gave their lives to give us our freedoms, there are no words that will ever be fitting enough.

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I’m Stuck

…it’s been a few weeks since I have written anything. Honestly, I’m stuck. The numbers aren’t moving. I understand plateau, it’s difficult. I’d have to say the emotional is what’s holding me back the most, and my truthful accountability.

I’ve been logging activity – I joined a gym (if anyone local is looking Fitworks in Florence is having a special March 27th and you can join for about $9.00 a month!) I have been there everyday, despite not feeling 100%, pushing myself to go as hard as I can without crying, not from physical pain or discomfort, fighting the urge to quit. Tuesday in fact I ran more than I ever have, my intervals are up to 2 minutes and I did 10 sets of them, so I am getting exercise.

It’s food, it’s always food. I knew when the Dr. put me back on birth control pills it would slow the loss, and I think mentally I let myself give into that, a handful of M&M’s, some chips off the girls plate, not counting the thing I stuff in my mouth when no one is looking – the absolute binge I had on Sunday and Monday…I even got on my scale at home, the worst possible thing I could have done; and yes I cried, that deep silent cry of defeat. I know it was wrong to do it, I knew it would show me what I didn’t want to see and yet I tortured myself with it anyhow. Of course as I breathed out (because somehow I think it makes me weigh less) and I saw the number I was full of “Stop it! You can do this!” and simultaneously “I hate this and why can’t I have a healthy relationship with food?” I’m sure I could spend all my insurance dollars talking to a therapist and a nutritionist, fact is I know what’s wrong, I know why I love food, I know why I hate food, I just lack the will power to over come it.

Now, some people may say something to the effect of ,”But when you are thin and healthy life will be so much easier.” Which, physically that may be true, being active with the girls and such will be easier, yes I will look nicer in clothing, I will be able to accomplish the tasks I have said I would. But a little tip from this BTDT weight loser, weight loss is only about 10% physical, the other 90% is emotional.

 

I am so accustomed to being overweight, being looked at (and not because I am some breathtaking beauty who is stealing hearts all over town), being told to drop a few, promised rewards for being thinner, it’s the very definition of me, fat kid.  Weight loss, major weight loss, is the single most emotional change, I would say even in comparison to having a baby, that can happen to a person who has been fat all their life.

While I have spent the majority of my life above to well above my goal weight there is no pressure to be pretty or active, there is the constant self-loathing and sadness that consumes me, but it’s who I am. This journey to a better physical is so emotional I will take almost any excuse to derail myself into failure.

So where do I go from here? It’s Thursday, weigh in is 3 days away, I know I can’t stay for the meeting this week, I promised my girls an Easter activity and it’s at the same time, this week they come first. I am dreading getting on the scale after my whopping -.2 last week (and a +1.6 the week before). I sit at 15# lost in 9 weeks.

When will I love myself enough to just let it be, to accept the me that I am right now, to stop letting that number dictate my self worth, to enjoy the adventure and re-shape my thought process, to view myself as breathtaking in my eyes….I don’t know.

 

My sister Robin sent me a link to this article today it’s an interesting read:

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/losing-180-pounds-really-does-body-8212-160-163900419.html

Did you know I have a partner in crime?

 

I do. She lives waaaay out here:

 

 

It’s my oldest sister, Piper’s birthday twin. She is the reason I am back on the WW program. We text throughout the week when we are struggling, before and after a weigh in, when we feel lost, tempted, victorious.

It’s important to have a partner.

Tomorrow is her weigh in day. I know she is nervous and is struggling – but let me tell you something this woman, went on vacation after being on plan a few weeks and lost! Can you imagine that? A huge accomplishment. The lesson I learned from that is that it is possible to go away and not have the ideal situation and still be successful.

She reminds me to not beat myself up if I have an off day, but to keep going! So this entry is for her – please don’t give up. I believe in you. I am proud of you. I know it’s difficult, but giving up isn’t an option; live your real life moments, feed your body and soul, believe in you like I do and those who love you do.

The weight loss industry wouldn’t have it’s own isle in the store if it was easy, no pill, surgery, drink, trainer, program can do it – it ultimately comes from within. Your drive = your success. So, get your head out of your ass and think positive!!!

I love you!

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