One Weekend, Two Events

This weekend was a busy one….

 

Saturday: I did the Color Run in Cincinnati. I highly recommend this as a good first event, family event, or gathering of friends who want to get a little exercise and have some fun. Standing in the chute waiting for the wave to begin the DJ humored the group and color was flying. Pink, blue, yellow, purple the pavement stained with it, the air thick with residue. The weather was optimal, cool and sunny; the course was laid out in a zig-zag pattern near Paul Brown Staduim and the first dose of color came within a half mile. In less than thirty minutes I toed the finish line, this was not a officially timed event but runkeeper says I completed the 2.76 miles (it was advertised as a 5K which is 3.14) in 29:06 my personal goal was the 3.14 in less than 36 minutes, I most certainly would have met that goal with ease.

Sunday: I joined this event due to the large participation of the Sunday Fundayers at WW in Erlanger. It’s modest $10 entry fee made it difficult to say no. This 5K course took me through old parts of Erlanger beginning and ending at the Kenton County Library. My mother, Uncle Ken, and littles were also present to push and encourage me. Crossing the finish line in 35:44 – next year I will win my division, I was only 2 minutes behind the second place finisher and 3 behind the winner – I know I can accomplish this. The girls were able to participate in the kids fun run around the parking lot and they had fun being chased by mommy and their Ms. Kris; both are quite proud of their participation medals.

 

How these events measure my progress: In seven weeks I have cut a little more than three minutes off my 5K pace. When I finished the event on July 4th I knew then that I could do anything I set my mind to. My bib and timer for the Komen 10K showed up today and I am revising my personal goal from 1:45 to 1:15. In this last month I have also decided to set a long term goal – I am going to run a full marathon by the time I am 40, I have 3 years to meet this goal.

 

Katy Perry: ROAR   http://youtu.be/e9SeJIgWRPk

 

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Now I’m floating like a butterfly 

Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes

I went from zero to my own hero

WW: Indulgence and Choices

Definition of indulgence (n)

in·dul·gence

 [ in dúljənss ]

  1. yielding to somebody’s wish: the act of gratifying or yielding to a wish
  2. something allowed as luxury: something that somebody lets himself or herself or another person have, especially a luxury
  3. tolerant attitude: a kind or tolerant attitude toward somebody

Synonyms: luxuryextravagancepleasuretreat

 

Yesterday when I went to my meeting and the word “Indulgence” was used and then we were asked if that evokes a positive or negative response. A few of the members said “positive” a few “negative”, I say “both”.

Of course I get asked why….

To me indulgence is taking part in something that makes you feel good, it’s how you manage the indulgence.

I could eat an entire pint of Coconut Almond Chip Ice Cream, easily, in the past that’s exactly what I would do, all us fat kids know a pint is one serving; but this recovering fat-kid knows better. I can allow myself to indulge in a serving, I can “backload” (adding in a planned indulgence to my tracker so that I don’t lose sight of my daily point allowance) to my day, and then my indulgence is permissible. I don’t have to think of ice cream, donuts, chips, or drinks out with friends, as bad, or stressful – I just have to plan for it…and what if I don’t pre-plan indulgence? What if I never allow indulgence?

I remember back in ’03 when I had my best success at weight loss, I simply told myself trigger foods were off limits. If I didn’t allow it, if I didn’t buy it, if it wasn’t there then I wouldn’t have to fight the temptation. How is that setting myself up for life long success? It’s not.

I remember the day I fell. It was cold out, maybe February or early March. I was 6-8 weeks into lifetime status. I had slept at my parents house and there is a bakery near by. As I headed to work I could smell the donuts frying, I remember the thought process, asking myself when was the last time I had a doughnut? I couldn’t remember. I walked my then size 6 self into the bakery and got one. One chocolate, cake doughnut covered in glaze, so sticky because it was still a little warm and milk, when was the last time I drank milk? Probably 6 months or more. I sat in the car and I swear I swallowed it whole, the milk in one gulp….and immediately I felt guilty and sick; and that led to a day of food disaster. Not every day that followed was one full of bad choices, but they increased, I stopped tracking, vending machines at my second job became a habit….and so I ended up back at weight watchers after all this time again, fighting the same demons, but this time I posses the knowledge of success and failure. I understand that depravity isn’t realistic, and that self-discipline is the only means by which to overcome.

So when I hear indulgence, I say yes, indulge, sensibly…and sometimes not. Everyday is an opportunity to succeed, living life is the most important part, existence alone is empty. So grab a pint, share it with a friend, be proud of the baby steps, count the baby steps and the ice cream – life is good.

 

Fourth of July 5K

I know that a 5K is not a huge event for many people, but for me this was the true test to myself – could I actually run the distance, there was no one else pushing me to do this, just me wanting to prove I could do it. I prepared myself to leave and was just about to slip out the door when a certain little Miss said she wanted to come to, I would have loved for my whole family to come, but it was raining and well I knew they didn’t really want to – my momma was coming and my Weight Watchers family would be there as well; we pulled her well worn fourth of July dress out of the dryer and put her hair into piggies with blue bows per her request and slipped out into the grey morning. Picking up my momma en route.

Once at the park, I slipped on my oh so comfy shoes and plugged up my music, I was ready. I chose to stay at the back not wanting to be in the heat of serious competitors, and groups of walkers. I crossed the start line at 7:35 am, Blurred Lines was on and I started up a slight incline. I repeated to myself  to keep a pace I knew I could maintain for a while, to not go out to fast as I tend to most days leaving me exhausted the last half mile, I never run the 3.14 miles straight at home I usually have a few walks of 60 steps (that’s as many as I allow myself to take), past a park where I once hit a home run out of, the school were I went as a child, past streets where I knew countless people, the fire house, R.C. Hinsdale where I did practicum work in college, and then finally turn toward Freedom park, at the top of this hill I took 60 steps, a sip of water and continued on. Run keeper told me I had hit 1.5 miles in 17 minutes and change, I was ahead of the pace I set for myself, to finish in 39 or less minutes. I knew at that point if I just kept up what I was doing I would in fact make my self imposed goal. I heard the Sunday Funday group cheer as I past them beyond that I don’t remember seeing the landmarks on my way back, my eyes focused on the double yellow line and the sound of my own exhale, wiping the rain from my eyes with my soaked shirt, “…just up one more hill…” and left into the park, the 3 mile mark and I was at just over 37 minutes, I know I

can run a quarter mile in less than 3 minutes, I put all the energy I had left in me, I had to do it in less than 2, and then I could feel the emotion building up in me, I almost started to choke, then I saw my little lady, standing right there, she was waving a little, she gets shy – I smiled at her and  I pulled my phone from my shirt, I had to stop it when I crossed. My foot hit the mat, I heard the beep, I pushed stop…. 39:08 I call it meeting my goal.  I pulled the chip from my right shoe and handed to the lady and walked past the finish area, tears streaming down my face.

 

 I did it.

 

I wasn’t the fastest, but I also wasn’t the slowest. I didn’t win, or post a land speed record, but I did something I never dreamed I could do.

 

Official Results:

786 A F #124 36 F 41:31(from the official start) 39:12(from when I crossed the starting line) 12:39 (pace)  11/22 ATNA 413/488 F

 

So what’s next?

 

Komen Race for the Cure 9/14/13

10 weeks …better get running.

http://www.komencincinnati.org/komen-race-for-the-cure/

Did you know I have a partner in crime?

 

I do. She lives waaaay out here:

 

 

It’s my oldest sister, Piper’s birthday twin. She is the reason I am back on the WW program. We text throughout the week when we are struggling, before and after a weigh in, when we feel lost, tempted, victorious.

It’s important to have a partner.

Tomorrow is her weigh in day. I know she is nervous and is struggling – but let me tell you something this woman, went on vacation after being on plan a few weeks and lost! Can you imagine that? A huge accomplishment. The lesson I learned from that is that it is possible to go away and not have the ideal situation and still be successful.

She reminds me to not beat myself up if I have an off day, but to keep going! So this entry is for her – please don’t give up. I believe in you. I am proud of you. I know it’s difficult, but giving up isn’t an option; live your real life moments, feed your body and soul, believe in you like I do and those who love you do.

The weight loss industry wouldn’t have it’s own isle in the store if it was easy, no pill, surgery, drink, trainer, program can do it – it ultimately comes from within. Your drive = your success. So, get your head out of your ass and think positive!!!

I love you!

But I don’t want to

many of us can relate to this statement in one of two ways: as something we said as a child, or something our children say to us.

That was me today – I really didn’t want to get on the elliptical. My back hurt, my chest hurt, I’m tired and worn out, but then I thought about my weigh in yesterday – one pound, four sticks of butter, I know I can do better than that, I expect more than that from myself.  I know what I didn’t do, I know what I need to do, and slipping into bed without logging my minutes would only make me disappointed in myself.

In this adventure it is only my opinion of myself that really matters. If I go to bed at night and know that I did enough, that I was enough, then I will sleep; but if I don’t give my all I am only cheating myself.

So, reluctantly, I stepped onto what tonight was the noisiest 30 minutes of my life, and much to my surprise when I was done, I felt good. I had some dinner, a hot bath and in just a few minutes I will lay down to rest.

Success is not measured in the end result alone, it’s the mini-victories along the way. It’s saying no to seconds, choosing the smaller portion, living real life as it presents itself, doing when you don’t wanna….

My goal for the week is to hit my 5% loss and then some, eight sticks of butter would make a happy me indeed.

down 45 sticks or 11.2 pounds since January 20

199 sticks to go or 61 pounds

 

Rewards

Like children and dogs, adults (well this one at least) are motivated by rewards. Many times we celebrate with a meal – but when rewarding weight loss, food hardly seems to be an appropriate reward. I love having a goal to work toward, knowing when I reach a certain point that there will be a little something to celebrate.

 

<—So I created this, it’s hanging on my refrigerator so when I am tempted to have something I really don’t need I can see how it may impact me reaching my reward.

 

I had to choose things that I like and consider indulgent, things that are a real treat for me. Some of them don’t have any monetary payout, but the emotional reward, the moment of sweet success well to quote Mastercard, priceless.

 

There have been quite a few occasions where I have had my boredom cured by reading them over, nothing tastes as good as success, that feeling of accomplishment…they say nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, I used to believe that (seriously if you haven’t tasted my chocolate butter cream, yeah it’s pretty dam good. hahaha).

 

I state it that way because this isn’t about being skinny, or the rewards. When I consider it, give it serious thought it’s about being enough. Enough for myself. To know that by my discipline I can in fact overcome the demon that is my own personal addiction with food. It’s about being healthy, living a long life that allows me to be the best mother physically that I can be, it’s reaching an old age and not being dependant on a cabinet full of pills and calendar full of medical appointments.

 

It’s a slow and steady journey and I’m taking it one pound at a time, one meal at a time.

 

 

Sunday Funday

the old sayings hold much truth….

if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it

you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink

you can’t make someone change

Changes can only occur when you want them to, this doesn’t apply to weight loss and fitness only. If you want better relationships you must foster them, happier children – give them your time, advancement at work – put in the hours…so when I stepped on the scale two weeks ago and saw 236, I cried.

 How did I get here again?

I know the answer to the question, I stopped caring about what I put into my body, I forgot the purpose of food was to nourish my body. I continue to let food be my outlet for success, failure, pain, confusion…everything.

The best part of this epiphany is that I also know what works, and though it be a sacrifice, I knew it’s what I needed to help me have a sense of order, one thing I have ultimate control over, something that depends on no one but myself.

On Sunday January 20th I joined Weight Watchers www.weightwatchers.com/index.aspx  , again. I figured that on a Sunday morning the group would be small, and I wouldn’t be missing or having to choose something over the meeting or worry about where the girls would be so I could go, this is my church, the meetings in the past have been one of the key components to my success. I need to hear that other people are succeeding, I need to share with people who more than understand the struggle that is obesity.

I dressed in the lightest clothing a January day would permit, after having talked to Scott about how much I needed this and receiving not only his blessing but his support, a kiss on the cheek and his promise to help me in moments of weakness.

Was I shocked to walk in and see the room packed, I mean 80 people probably! I filled out my paperwork and sat down. The meeting started and I was immediately drawn in. The leader wasn’t 85 (kudos to those leaders who still go when they are older and have the courage to stand before a group and try to inspire, I have been to my fair share of meetings and I know what kind of personality it takes to keep me there). This lady was amazing, it wasn’t a leader and a group, it was a friend talking to her friends – I found Sunday Funday! A mix of women and men, old and young, mothers and daughters, friends, strangers, people at their first meeting and people celebrating years of maintenance.  I felt the leaders passion in her language and action, I could feel my success starting and I was 30 minutes in. The program is slightly different than before, I no longer hate the 2 point banana, the apps for my phone make it so very easy to stay on track, I don’t need a big purse to carry my notebook and point calculator.

This time I also begin with a different perspective:

1) I have children, this isn’t just about me. The last time it was me and my ex-husband who was rarely home I had 60+ minutes a day to give to exercise, I had time in the evening to labor over a healthy dinner and then sit and eat it. This time I have to make time for me to be successful, the meeting is the first step. So I am planning meals, I plan backward, what will the kids eat, that I can cook the night before or in 20 minutes or less of walking in the door, then I load the rest of the day with what will meet the rest of my points, and yes some day’s its only fruit and yogurt but I love that so it’s not really a sacrifice.

2) Real life will happen. There will be times when I have to make the best of a less than ideal situation.  I can’t be angry at myself, I can only accept and move forward – I AM NOT PERFECT.

3) My goal is realistic.

I have been blessed for my monthly pass to be a gift that I am getting from a third party, for that I am so very thankful 🙂

 

So here is me after my second week of being on the plan:

Starting weight 236#(left) 225.8(right -10.2#)

I have lost over 10 pounds in two weeks. This is not typical loss, not for the plan, not for me. My expectation of myself is 1 pound a week, slow and healthy loss.

 

 

 

 

2003 169#’s – still considered overweight pants are a size 6

 

 

 

My biggest struggle is the knowledge that I will never reach lifetime without a Dr.’s note. I am not a small person and the last time I was in the program I looked like this and I was not at my goal weight – I was about 10 pounds away from it; at this weight WW said I was still overweight. I was a size 4-6 depending if I was wearing pants or a skirt, you didn’t want to see the naked version, I was literally skin and bones. This is something I have difficulty accepting, to be this small and still considered overweight – I look terrible. I know this. I know where I look healthy and feel good.

 

 

My goal is 175#, at that weight I am about a size 10.

My wedding rings will fit comfortably

I will be ok wearing shorts (I haven’t worn them in 5 years)

I have a pair of jeans in the closet I am positive will fit along with 10 other pairs of pants/tops and shoes.

 

 

 

 

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